


To My Angel

by Lil_Hopeless_Romantic



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Dedicated to someone I loved., Depressing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Loss of a Love One, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Hopeless_Romantic/pseuds/Lil_Hopeless_Romantic
Summary: To My Angel.I will always love you.





	To My Angel

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> This story is dedicated to my cat who I lost in March. I felt like I needed to write out my feelings. So here it is. It felt good to write it out even as I cried during it. It was much needed.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

**To My Angel**

You knew this day was coming. You knew that one day the final goodbye was going to be harder than any goodbye’s you would face. You ignored it as much as you possibly could and even tried to force the thought into the darkest part of your mind. This was the solution to maintaining your calm demeanor. This would work itself out and you both would continue on for the rest of your life. It truly was a demented and selfish illusion that you wove around your heart. That was how it was supposed to be and nothing was going to change your mind about it.

Yet here you were now. Watching helplessly as he struggled to breathe. His chest heaved and struggled to maintain a normal breathing pattern. You bit your bottom lip and gently caressed his side. His beautiful black and yellow colors seemed so much duller under your fingers. Tears pricked your eyes and you held in a very harsh sob. You prayed and continued to pray for it to settle and for everything to calm. His wild eyes bore into yours, it was as if he was asking for you to stop this. Asking for your help like you had done so many times in the past. You let out a pitiful whimper and shushed him and spoke softly into him. 

Soon, but not soon enough, he coughed and a clear translucent color fell from his lips. Hs body shook and quivered with so much spent energy. His eyes fell slightly, sleep trying to overtake his tired body. His breathing seemed to calm and he took deep breaths in order to calm his rapidly beating heart. You stopped petting him and stared at him. You gave a small smile and planted a gentle kiss on his nose. He settled and closed his eyes for a moment taking in a deep and painful breath. He let it out slowly and remained still. You waited for a moment and realized that you could not see his breaths. Your heart stopped and frantically you looked him over. You whispered his name and nudged him but his eyes did not open.

Your cried out loudly and nudged him a little harder. Hoping and praying that he would wake up. You looked at his chest closer and made yourself still. You finally noticed the small rise and fall of it. It was barely there but a sense of relief washed over you. You smiled and quickly wiped the tears that had fallen from your eyes. He was going to be okay, that was it. This was going to solve itself.

You heard shuffling behind you. The twigs and grass breaking under their shoes. You didn’t bother to look up. Your eyes fixed on the Nundu in front of you. You wouldn’t admit that you were scared to look away. That within that second of your gaze looking elsewhere, he would be gone. You wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of him leaving you behind.

“Love, please come have some tea…” Came a gentle voice.

You shook your head. Your hand coming out and laying it gently on the giant beast in front of you. Your throat was sore, raspy and dry. Your head pounded and your stomach felt empty, but you refused to move. Even as your body cried out for any substance, you refused to move. A sad sigh escaped the person’s lips but you heard the same crunching noises under their feet as they made their way toward you. A gentle hand placed itself on your shoulder as they settled behind you. The hand that was on your shoulder weaved itself around your waist. A chin settled on your shoulder and let out a soft sigh.

“Please eat or drink something love…”

“Newt, I’m okay…” Came your raspy voice.

You looked over your shoulder at him and were face to face with the softest seafoam eyes ever. His cinnamon colored hair frazzled and out of place. His beautiful pink lips set in a frown. Deep worry lines across his forehead seemed much more prominent than ever. He looked down into your puffy and red face and gently moved a stray strand of hair from your face. He leaned forward and placed the softest of a kiss on your forehead. His arms tightened around you and he brought you flushed against his chest. You nuzzled into his shoulder and let out a shaky breath. He rubbed your back soothingly and didn’t say anything else. 

You knew he wanted you to talk, you knew that he needed you to be the first one to say something. There was only so much comfort his words could bring. 

“He’s going to be okay…” You whispered.

Newt felt his chest tightened at your broken words. It was as if you were saying that to convince yourself rather than Newt. The pain etched in every word that you uttered made it seem like you were barely holding on to yourself. Newt knew that at any moment you were going to crack and he wasn’t sure if he could bare seeing you in such a state. His heart reached out to you and yet it almost seemed yours was tearing itself in half. Wanting to reach out but remaining rooted to your beloved beast in front of you. Newt felt selfish at that moment, wanting your attention and your smile back on your lovely face. He wanted to hear your laughter ring across the enclosures as you tended to the other beasts. Yet he knew had this role been reserved. You would be here with him and that was it. You would not ask for his love at that moment nor his attention. You would be there just to hold his hand and wait for the final shallow breath that his body would allow. He had to be strong for you and yet, he didn’t think he could.

“I raised him Newt…”

His ears perked at the sound of your voice. He nodded and hummed, acknowledging your words carefully. Waiting for the next broken reply and the next on set of tears.

“I-I raised him since he was a baby…” He felt the tears slowly drip down. “He is my best friend… He is family. He healed me Newt… he is the reason I am here with you. We have been through so much together.”

Your shoulders shook and sob’s began to escape your lips as you tighten your grasp on his shirt. Fresh tears began to fall from your eyes as you clenched them tightly. You gritted your teeth as you tried to to hold back a wail that wanted to escape your mouth. It burned and clogged your throat as if it was suffocating you from the inside. It expanded and burned. You tried to swallow it down as best you could but it caused you to choke and cough harshly. Newt pulled you away from him and gave you room to breath. You heaved and cough into your hand as you tried to compose yourself quickly. You looked over at your old friend and noticed how he picked up his head and looked over at you. His tired yet gentle eyes stared over at you. Tears blurred your vision as you bit your bottom lip. 

“I’m okay… thank you for checking…”

You gave his side a gentle but firm pat. A way to affirm your words to him. You noticed the giant cat like creature lay his head back down and sigh heavily. Closing his eyes and falling back into a peaceful slumber. You allowed silent tears to fall from your eyes again but this time they seemed different. Newt noticed how this tears were somewhat more gentle. They rolled down your cheeks like a river. A small warm smile lingered on your lips as your eyes refused to leave the gentle giant. Newt reached out and ran a soft thumb across your cheek. You looked over at the Magizoologist and leaned into his touch. Newt smiled gently at you and leaned forward again. He pecked your lips once more and then took a hold of your hand. 

A large snap shook you both and your eyes snapped over toward the large beast. The Nundu looked over at you. Standing on his front paws with much effort. He stared into your eyes for a long moment. The silence was tense and you swallowed the lump that formed in your throat. The beast forced himself up and gently made his way out of your vision. Your heart thumped and you stood from your spot and ran after him. Newt followed after you quickly as well. The look in the poor beast eyes made his heart thump wildly. The way he moved and seemed to give a silent order. It was as if he was telling you that it was time.

Newt knew that at this moment you were panicking. You would not allow him to die alone. Newt stopped suddenly and reached into his pocket. He gulped and felt tears prick his eyes. Two capped needles rested in his hand and he felt his shoulders begin to shake. He knew you had to say goodbye and this would help ease the poor beasts suffrage. He just didn’t know how well you were going to take it.

Newt walked quickly after you. Hearing the sound of the heavy heaving from the poor creature. Newt followed the distraught sounds coming from the beast and found you clenching your arms around the beats head. Cradling it on your lap as he continued to convulse. You held onto his head on tightly and whispered comforting words to the beast. Newt looked at the ground and then back at you. Your eyes were clenched tightly as you held on to your last strand of sanity. He felt himself start to crumble at the scene in front of him. Your shoulders shook and the beast looked almost calm as he attempted to regain his breathing. Newt rushed over and kneeled down in front of the Nundu’s chest. He leaned forward and pressed his ear against him. Listening carefully. 

“His lungs sound like they have a lot of liquid in them. I can remove it but within a few hours they will fill again…” Newt’s word died on his tongue.

You looked at him and your eyes were filled with such sorrow, such pain that Newt couldn’t bring himself to continue. He had gone into his work mode. He has lost a few of his precious beasts due to illness or injuries. It hurt him deeply and he always kept them in his heart. He knew yours was twice as hard as anything he will ever feel but the beast, you, and Newt all knew it was time for you to let go.

Your let out a harsh wail. No longer able to keep in your anguish. Your body shook and your the painful harsh sob’s continued to flow out of you. Your tears fell harder and there seemed to be no end to them. Newt felt his own heart shatter as you leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the beasts head. You looked over at Newt and with the most pitiful sob you nodded at him.

Newt turned his brain off during the process. Explaining to you as he went along what was going to happen and what he was doing. The first needle had been used. He watched as the beast calmed. His breathing easier but you could still hear the liquid remaining in his lungs. 

“He’s asleep now…” Newt whispered.

He heard you sniffle and you petted the face of the beast. Telling him how thankful you were and how much you were going to miss him. He listened for a few moments all the sincere words that spilled from your lips. Newt took the next needle and uncapped it. He looked over at the slumbering Nundu and memorized its features. He looked at you once more but quickly looked away as he noticed how much more you were shaking. He took in a deep shaky breath and plunged the needle into the tub he had attached to the beast. He watched as the liquid continued to move toward the beast and with every second Newt knew the end was close. He felt the last push of the needle and he stilled. He swallowed and leaned forward and held a hand and ear to the chest. Newt gulped and knew he had to tell you. He had to utter those words now. You had the right to know. 

Yet it seemed like the words were stuck in his throat. He watched as you kissed and gently ran a hand across the Nundu’s face. Your teeth were clenched and Newt knew that he had to say it. You were holding back and you needed to release all the anguish that had built up. It was time.

“H-He’s gone…”

Newt flinched and felt tears begin to roll down his cheeks as you let out a horrid scream. Your wails traveled through the case and caused a silence to fall amongst the other creatures. You screamed and pleaded to whoever would listen. Your cries echoing and breaking Newt’s heart. You looked down at your old friend. Petting him gently and kissing him once more.

“I-I’m so sorry…”

Newt stood from his spot and rushed to you so quickly that he hadn’t even processed that he was already holding you. His shoulders shook and he gritted his teeth as he felt your choked sobs escape. You were shaking and you continued to apologize. The tears didn’t lessen and didn’t seem to be coming to a stop anytime soon. Newt shushed you and kissed the top of your forehead. Tightening his hold on you. 

It was painful. The burning in your lungs was the only thing keeping you grounded. Your throat hurt and you could almost taste the blood from how much your cries hurt your vocal cords. Your heart had thumped so intensely that when Newt’s last words had left his lips your heart stopped. You actually felt your heart break. It tore tore itself and felt like it just wanted to stop beating. Your brain had become foggy and every memory you both had together ran through your mind. All the love, all the heartache, all of the joy and moments in your life that he was with you. How you found him and he found you. How he grew and came to trust you and only you. How the bond you both had was so strong that when he became sick you could feel it in your heart. 

Everything blurred and blurred and that was when you realized that he was not going to wake up again. Your arms suddenly felt empty even as you held him in your lap. His head still peacefully laid there yet it was as if there was no weight to it. You let out another painful wail as you felt your arms wrap around Newt’s neck. Newt sniffed and looked down at your devastated state. He bit his trembling lip as he tore himself from your arms. He very gentle lifted the beast head from your lap, motioning for you to move. You did so reluctantly and watched as he gently laid his head onto the ground. Newt caressed his face once more and then turned toward you. The tears that spilled down from his eyes made your heart squeeze. You gasped at the pain and placed a gentle hand on your heart. Newt very gently scooped you up into his arms. He forced your arms around his neck and made sure you were secured. He looked down at your tired form but even as tired as you looked the tears didn’t stop. His heart squeezed and prepared for another heart wrenching wail. 

He began to walk away. He didn’t look back and tightened his hold around you as he knew these next steps would bring the gentle giant far from your view. He gritted his teeth and tensed as he felt your body begin to shake. Your hands clenched around his shirt tightly and you whimpered. A silent plea not to continue forward but Newt knew that you needed to rest. You tensed more and more to the point that your knuckles had gone white. He let out a shaky breath and that was when he felt your hands give out.

You screamed and pleaded for him to stop. That he was going to wake up and wonder where you were. That this was just a horrible dream and you were going to wake up. Your horrible cries rang in Newt’s ear and he had to try hard not to fall over and cry with you. You cried out and held onto Newt as tightly as you could. Newt felt robotic and cold as he continued to walk and just as suddenly as your cries came. You fell limp in his arms. Newt choked back a sob as he made his way out of the enclosure. His shed in plain sight but it never seemed so far away. He refused to look down at you until you were safely in bed. He didn’t think he had the strength to see you give up completely. He just couldn’t do it. 

He moved stiffly and opened the door to the shed. The cot that you both called a bed stuffed tightly in the corner. Newt felt useless as he thought about your comfort. Was this really the best he could provide for you? Maybe he should find a place for the night for you both. But Newt knew that still wouldn’t cease the pain. He set you down gently and removed your limp arms from his shoulder. He pulled back and finally found the courage to look at you. Newt felt fresh tears fall from his eyes as he looked at you. The tears hadn’t stopped falling and your eyes were glazed over. It was as if all the life you had in you was gone along with your beloved Nundu. Newt felt his own walls crumbling down as he laid down in the cot with you. He pulled you close to him and held you as he began to cry silently into your hair. He felt like he was holding a doll. You body so still, so lifeless that he felt like he lost you today as well. 

Newt sobbed into you and apologized gently. Hoping that his words reached some part of your heart.

“I can see why you loved him…” Newt whispered. “I can also see why he loved you as well…”

He felt you tense under him. A sign that you were listening and that gave Newt the courage to continue on. Your fragile mind needed to hear this finally and he knew it was time. He allowed his heart to overflow into his next words. Needing you to hear and understand it and know that Newt did not judge you nor want you to feel ashamed for your grieving. No, he wanted you to know that it was okay but he couldn’t just outright say it. No, he needed you to know so much more and he knew just what to say.

“It is just one of the many reasons why I love you…”

He heard your whimpers and the shaking began again. He held onto you as tightly as he could. He knew you needed time. That this was not the last time he would hear your cries but at that moment he made a promise. He would never cause you this amount of pain ever. He wouldn’t be able to stand himself if he ever heard your screams for his sake. He would never leave you behind and no matter what happens, he will always love you. How could he find anyone with a heart as big as yours? The sorrow that you felt for your lost beast was proof enough that he had found someone that truly understood him. Someone that he wanted to keep with him forever.

“I-I love you too…”

Someone that he always wanted to protect and cherish. You knew what true and unconditional love was and he knew your love was one of a kind. He felt your warm breath against his neck and he looked down at your tear stained cheeks. You looked sad even in your sleep. He brushed back your hair a bit and leaned down and gave your lips a soft kiss. You mumbled out for your beloved friend in your sleep. Newt allowed the tears to fall again from his eyes as he held you tightly. This time it was his turn to take your place. It was his turn to remove that burden from your shoulders. He leaned forward and placed his forehead against your own. Just as you had in those final moments of your cherished Nundu. He closed his eyes and listened to your small breaths. Whispering the same words you had just moments ago.

_ “It will be okay…” _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this. I must confess during certain parts of the story I cried so hard. I couldn't bring myself to continue but I knew I had to for my sake. I wanted to do this for closure and I know not many people understand because they kept telling me that he was just a cat. 
> 
> But he wasn't.
> 
> Angel was my cat. I raised him from a baby. He was so tiny when he came to me. I think they took him away too young from his parents when they gave him to my parents to bring to me. You see... I had just lost my cat Snowflake a month before Angel was brought to me. I resented Angel because it felt like my parents replaced Snowflake. 
> 
> I ignored him and would move if he tried to get close to me. He followed me everywhere. He wouldn't stop. Even when I yelled and threw things at him to get him away. I never physically hurt my cat but I felt like he knew I hated him.
> 
> Yet, he didn't stop and one day I woke up and he was right there on my pillow near my face. I fell in love instantly and felt his love in return. My mom always said that whenever he looked at me... he looked at me with such love that it was so hard to look away. I loved him so much. 
> 
> He truly was my Angel sent to me. He loved me as much as I loved him. Maybe even more so. I had him for 14 years. So when he got lung cancer it crushed me. I tried so hard to get him help but I didn't have the money for the surgery. I worked so many hours and tried to save every single penny I could and I was almost there...
> 
> And then I woke up to find him missing. I looked everywhere and then found him in our unused guest bedroom. He wasn't moving and he looked like he had passed away. But he hasn't he was suffering because of the liquid in his lungs. We took him to an emergency hospital and then the decision was made. 
> 
> I admit that I was possibly a little dramatic but I didn't care. I actually screamed and apologized to him. I felt horrible and a failure for not being able to save him or give him the treatment he needed. It was all my fault.
> 
> When I got home, it felt so empty. My dog knew I was breaking apart. Me and him hadn't bonded very well because me and Angel were bonded. So after this, Kylo seemed to understand that he needed to bond with me more. Since then, he has helped me. 
> 
> As I was writing this he came over to me... sat down and leaned forward and placed his nose against my cheek. I cried even more. So I wrapped my arms around him and he just let me cry it out. When I pulled away he leaned forward and licked my lips and then my cheek. He then laid down in my lap and fell asleep and let me love on him until I was better.
> 
> That was when I knew how I needed to end this. Thank you for reading this far!


End file.
